What Do We Lose When We Stay Silent Too Long?

How silence shaped my story—and why I’m learning to speak now.

There are times in life when silence feels like the safest option.
And there are other times when it feels like a slow erasure.

I’ve been quiet for a long time now—not out of fear exactly, but maybe out of the belief that my voice wouldn’t matter. Sometimes, it didn’t. Or at least, it didn’t feel like it did.

One moment stands out.

Our daughter was diagnosed with a craniopharyngioma tumor at the base of her brain. I still remember struggling to even pronounce it, let alone understand what it meant for our little girl. We were in our twenties, with five kids ages 12 to 5, and no blueprint for something like this. Just fear and love. And there were a lot of voices around us.

Louder voices, older voices, and perhaps wiser maybe. Or simply more confident.

Plans were made, decisions were declared, and I… watched.

I don’t know if my silence was a form of trust, or a quiet surrender. Maybe both. But over the next 18 years, most of the choices about her care were made by people other than me.

Looking back, I’ve often wondered how things might’ve been different if I had spoken louder. Not argued or fought. Just… said what I truly felt. Offered what I saw.

But that’s not who I was back then.
I was the quiet one. The one who observed, who stayed calm, who didn’t want to make things worse.

I don’t say this to blame anyone. And I’m not even sure all those decisions were wrong. Maybe they were exactly what needed to happen. But silence, when it lasts too long, leaves a strange residue. A kind of grief that doesn’t come from loss—but from not showing up fully when you could have.

And yet here I am now, writing these words. Finding my voice in a season where no one is asking for it, but I’m offering it anyway.

Because silence can be sacred.
But it can also be a wound.

And I think… maybe we lose ourselves when we stay quiet too long.

If you're ready to take that first step—or even just thinking about it—I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments or reply directly. Your voice matters here. And you don’t have to speak loudly to be heard.